What is my problem with the current administration, he asked. "The economy is great, the unemployment rate is low, things couldn't be better!" he said. I was dumbstruck. I wasn't sure what cave he had just emerged from. I wouldn't consider a budget deficit of 600 billion dollars to be a sign of a great economy, I answered. "That is nothing - not a problem" was his quick reply.
I had just confronted a giant-walleted neocon (Neoconus greediosis), and although I had survived the encounter, it left me shaken to my core. I knew in my heart that if there were many more like this out there, life as we know it could be in grave danger.
For those on the far right who do not believe in evolution, I offer up the neocon as proof that evolution does indeed happen. Evolved from early Republican man, the neocon has developed a vision deficit that sees only tax relief but which is no longer able to focus on a budget deficit. Its brain has evolved so that a bloated military budget no longer causes irritation to its conservative nerve roots. In fact, while its predecessors might have balked at nation-building and using the federal government to push its moral agenda on the entire world, the neocon is able to do so without even blinking an eye. Its tough skin is not penetrated by sharp words cast by the starving and homeless, and its heart has evolved to be steeled against hordes of children without access to healthcare - something which had been known to occasionally weaken the heart of its predecessor, Republican man. Indeed, Neoconus greediosis is a model of adaptation for not just survival but for domination.
The neocons narrowed visual field enables it to travel with herds of pro-life creatures and yet still kill thousands without seeing any hypocrisy. It thinks nothing of visiting tropical Florida to protect the brain-dead and yet ignores those facing death because they have no health insurance. Fortunately, the neocon has evolved so that it cannot see its own reflection in the mirror. And it truly believes that the economy is great because it cannot count below $200,000. When it counts the economy above $200,000 yearly income, all it can see is colored green.
And the most amazing skill that has evolved with the neocon to help him survive is that he can smell creatures that earn less than $200,000 per year, and he gains nourishment by sucking their blood. Although early neocons were crude in their blood-sucking skills, the later-day neocon has evolved with the ability to suck the lifeblood from others with subtlety while his victims are lulled off to sleep by his soft-toned reassurances. "The rising tide raises all boats" he whispers into their ears. Every day his victims are a little weakened, but have no recollection of what happened to them.
That is the truly scary thing about the Neoconus greediosis – this specie could take over the country not with a bang but a whimper. I can only hope that I personally survive to see the day when they no longer have enough victims upon which to feed and must begin eating their young and feeding upon themselves.